Setting The Record Straight

Ok, I know it's been forever since I've blogged. (again) But it's not for lack of things to say about my family, the Lord, or all that's He's been doing in my heart. I'm not sure anyone will ever even see this, but that's ok... It's what God is speaking to me.

In fact, I've been waiting for the right time to share this exact blog.... titled: "Setting The Record Straight". It's something very serious to me... something I'm very passionate about... and yet, because of that, I've waited to sort through what is "me" and what exactly God would like to communicate through me. So here it is.

I'm setting the record straight about this one particular comment that not only annoys me, but downright grieves my heart. And I KNOW that it grieves my heart because it grieves the very heart of God. Here's the comment... "Wow! All these years after you had your 'planned' family, then you had an accident". Or it sounds like this - Oh, he's the little "oops"! haha. I can't even address this without tears.............. Our sweet Joshua (the absolute DELIGHT of our family) was NOT AN ACCIDENT!!! Not by our standards, nor by the Creator's. Now, I know that often people mean well, and so much is said in haste or ignorance, but that can't keep me from speaking up. The time has come......... and I MUST share the truth.

First, I'll just share our specific testimony regarding this: Years ago, when our sweet Bailey Jo was born we were 24 and 25 years old. I won't lie, it felt a bit overwhelming to be that age (when most of our peers were not even married yet) and we were parenting a 4 year old, a 3 year old, and a newborn. All while Troy was working full time and going to school full time. Life was hard... very hard. There was little money, little time, very little sleep, and a boat load of stress. There was also very little effort on our part to seek God, grow in him, and certainly no effort on our part to actually ASK him what his heart was for our family.

It seemed like the logical thing to do to be finished having children. (*note, be careful of that word "logical"....... God doesn't usually choose that path himself) After all, we had 3, certainly more than the average size American family, and we had girls and a boy. We sure loved them, but didn't it seem logical (uh-oh, there's that word again) to get our feet on the ground... finish degrees, make some money, buy things that we needed and wanted, and for heaven's sake hopefully we'd get some sleep some day?!!!! After all, didn't God give us a brain to reason these things out?!

Well, it only took a few years after Bailey Jo's birth, for the Holy Spirit to begin moving in on our hearts in a strong, more vibrant, and certainly more personal way. We were actively growing in him..... not just going through the "go to church" motions, but seeking him... reading his word, listening to him through the voice of the Body, and REALLY praying and asking for his lead. During this time, Troy was called to minister to youth, and we were slowly but certainly learning that the world's idea (most definitely the American idea) of serving self, being concerned about earthly things, and "getting more" was the COMPLETE opposite of the way of Christ. We were realizing that even within Christian circles, people (including us) set out to make our own plans, live our own lives, and serve ourselves. We'd say things like, "Ok God, here's where I want to go to school, here's the job I want, the spouse I want, and here's how many kids I want...... Now, you come in and bless it all. Ok?" And certainly we can feel better about that by occasionally doing something like a missional project or an extra tithe here and there...But the questions began to mount. Is this way of life that we live, the way that God wants? What does HE care about? Where is HE leading our family? What does it mean to take up a cross and follow him? What does it mean to live counter-culturally? What does it mean to be "of the world, but not in it"? There were many more questions... like, if you took away tradition, what does God want church to look like? What about marriage, children, family? How should we educate our children? And does the Bible actually answer these questions? If I were on an island, with no outside influence - no other family, no church family, no people, no tv, no media, NOTHING BUT THE BIBLE - what would I think about these things? Is there a different conclusion than the typical American way that we've been indoctrinated with? Hmmm...

By no means do I want to suggest that this was all an easy or pleasant time in our hearts. We were being challenged, stretched, and convicted about many areas of our life. Oh, but the sweet grace of God was gentle while he was firm and clear... And he began changing some of our thoughts. Romans 12:2 says, "Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is - his good, pleasing and perfect will." So, aside from the common lesson of this verse - needing to have our minds transformed - I began to wonder what "the pattern of this world" means. After all, is it possible that this may not be the black and white areas of sin, but rather, patterns that man has set up that really don't reflect God's heart? I do believe there are these areas (Troy calls them gray areas) where the Bible doesn't address something with the power of a 10 commandment, and yet if you look at scripture Genesis to Revelation, God has actually really expressed how he feels about something... and he desire us to know his heart and live it. To do this, we must have our minds renewed. Without a doubt, I would like to be able to "test and approve what God's will is" for my life, especially as wife and mother.

Without 20,000 more words, I'll just say that it was at this place in our hearts, that God revealed to us that he deeply loves us and wants to pour out his blessing over us... And he wants to do that by blessing us with more precious children. There are many, maybe hundreds of scriptures where God renewed our thinking about controlling the size of our family. His heart was to pour out life to bless us. Who were we to say - "no, thank you"? We were forced to ask ourselves - do we or don't we believe his word? For example... Ps. 127 says,"Sons are a heritage from the Lord, children a reward from him. (Is this just the ones we plan and think we can afford or handle, or all children?) Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are sons born in one's youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them. (Does blessed mean blessed?) They will not be put to shame when they contend with their enemies in the gate."

So, all of that to say this 2nd point - Life is from the Creator. He is the Author of Life. He loves Life!!! There is no accident or oops in the creation of life!!!!!!!!!! EVER!!! I think that this notion of "accidents" has creeped into even the Christian's way of thinking because many of us have adopted this idea of using our reasoning and logic and think that the creation of a baby is just something scientific that happens. No sir! Just ask the barren woman who is desperate for a baby if she thinks only science can solve her problem. Just ask those of us who didn't "plan" for a baby, but were overwhelmingly blessed with the unexpected treasure of life. To any person that was ever told (seriously or jokingly) that they were an accident - YOU WERE NOT!!! Jeremiah says that God knew us in our mother's womb..... long before you ever arrived, God himself planned you, and you are no accident. In the name of Jesus, denounce that stupid, ignorant, and Satanic word-curse. You are a blessing. Because God says so.

God blesses in many ways, but it's time we Christians have a revolt about what the world's message is about children. They are seen as unwanted, burdens, expensive, time and energy consumers, and yet that is NOT AT ALL WHAT THE WORD OF GOD SAYS!!!
Before I'm accused of sounding judgemental, please know I am confessing the very things that I was guilty of, things that God has convicted me of, things that were really about my selfishness, my faithlessness, and my need to fit in to the norm. I'm very aware that this wasn't a "one-shot-deal". God has, is, and will keep revealing things to us.... things about his heart that he wants to transplant into us. I have a long way to go to look like Him. The cost is high sometimes... it means being different...but oh, the blessings!!!!!!!! They cannot be translated into words. NOTHING ON THIS EARTH COMPARES TO THE BLESSING OF OUR CHILDREN TO TROY AND I. NOTHING. We are blessed NO MATTER HOW HARD IT SEEMS!

So, almost 2 years ago, I had a tubal-ligation reversal. Within only a couple of months, God filled my womb. (This is no small miracle... something that the Creator does, not a dr.) And now we have precious Joshua and another sweet one on the way. I can't believe that we could have gone our whole lives without knowing the blessing of Joshua. Had we listened to the world's way, we would never have known him. The reality of this grieves me so deeply that I could have - and almost did - pass up this blessing. Thank God for his Spirit's intervention in our hearts and for changing our thinking about family.

Oh God, please let there be less of us and more of you...... no matter the cost. Your ways bring life, joy and peace. Bring it on! :)