Announcing, Miss Abigail Joy!

Announcing, Miss Abigail Joy!

Monday, August 27, 2012

Home with My Chicks

Really and truly I am not an anti-public school homeschooler.  While there are many fabulous reasons that I LOVE that we homeschool, I do not hate the public school, nor anyone who learns there or works there.  I love MANY that are a part of the government system and I pray God blesses and protects them. 

But, can I just say for a minute that I LOVE THAT WE HOMESCHOOL?!!!!  :) I'm watching all over Bailey Jo's Facebook at all the status' of school starting everywhere... kids heading off to class and teachers heading off to work.  And.  I'm.  so.  happy.  my.  little.  chicks.  are.  with.  me.  today.  There are sooo many beautiful benefits and blessings of homeschooling, but without a doubt my favorite one is that MY children are with ME!and not in the care of others, especially strangers.  :)))

My big chick started class today at McMurry University and I can hardly wait for his call later to tell us how it went. 

Gotta run and enjoy the blessing of my chores. ;)

Will try to post some pics soon!

Thursday, August 23, 2012

Temporary Itching

Therefore, we do not lose heart.  Though outwardly, we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.  For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.  So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen.  For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.  2 Corinthians 4:16-18

I apologize if the above verse is not exact on the wording.  Instead of looking it up, I just typed it from memory.  It is a verse that I may have blogged from before, though I don't remember.  It is a verse that I have hidden in my heart through memory and the Holy Spirit stirs up in my thoughts exactly when I need it.

This exact moment is 3:55AM.  Not a time of day that I prefer to be awake.  I am 31 1/2 weeks pregnant.  I have a husband and 4 children in my home to care for and 1 away at college to pray for.  2 of those children in my daily care are the busiest little bees one has ever seen.  They go hard from early until late........ (thank God for nap time in the middle of it all.)  I have no business being awake right now.  I mean, I could argue that I REALLY NEED TO BE ASLEEP.  And I do.  But you see I have this thing...  This is actually really pride swallowing to put this out there...  (I prefer to keep these things private), but perhaps the hour, or exhaustion, or just God himself has brought me to place of being really transparent about it all.  So, back to this thing...  it's a "little" side effect of pregnancy for me.  I've had it every pregnancy.  Back when I was pregnant with Taylor and had it, no one had a clue what it was and basically looked at me like I was nuts.  Now, all these years later, it has an official medical name - Pruritic Urticarial Papules and Plaques of Pregnancy, or more commonly just abbreviated to PUPPS.  It's a skin condition that causes ITCHING and it occurs in about 1 out of every 200 pregnancies.  While mine can hit at any time it usually comes on strong at night, sometimes lasting through the night.  I have tried just about every kind of remedy known to man, with little relief.  Sometimes soaking in a hot bath and then slathering up in raw organic coconut oil can bring some minor, temporary relief, but usually I just have to ride it out.  I have researched and spoken with my Dr, but there's really nothing that can be done.  It usually starts in about the 6 month, slow at first and gradually getting worse, until the last couple of weeks I am a clawed up mess.  For whatever reason, this pregnancy it has begun in the 5th month and I am now experiencing what I usually go through in the last several days...  10 WEEKS EARLY!  To help myself, I'm trying to keep my nails cut super short so I don't make it worse than necessary... but I do have some giant scabs up and down my arms where I've just lost control.  It kind of looks like I have some kind of iv drug problem. :(  My sheets and pillow cases have blood stains.  Ugh.

So, this is why I'm awake in the middle of the night.  And this is why I am STANDING on the above verse.  I realize that verse is probably meant to be applied to those suffering far greater than I.  I recognize that I have not fought cancer, or tragically lost a child, or had to watch one of my babies fight cancer (something some of our friends are currently doing right now), or any other things that in my mind to seem to be the worst of the worst.  I'm just itching.  And exhausted.  But in my little world right now it's kind of eating my lunch.  So, I am proclaiming "out loud" to myself, to my family, to anyone who may ever stumble across this blog, and most definitely to Satan--  I will NOT lose heart.  Though outwardly I might be "wasting away", inwardly, I am being renewed day by day.  For this light and momentary trouble is achieving an eternal glory that far outweighs them all (a precious, eternal life!).  So, (enemy - you listen good) I WILL NOT LOSE HEART.  I WILL FIX MY EYES NOT ON THE THINGS THAT ARE TEMPORARY, BUT ON THE THINGS THAT ARE ETERNAL. This precious baby girl growing in my womb is an eternal life... the most valuable gift that God can ever bless us with.  And she is worth every single light and momentary itch.  ;) 

So, I'm off to find the coconut oil again... and maybe catch a nap before the little monkeys wake.  I sooo hope this didn't seem like a whine session (I hate whining, mine or anyone else's).  But maybe, just maybe, this "stand" will bring some relief for a bit.  Either way though, I AM BLESSED.

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Bittersweet

Yes, I know it's been a while... again!  But for those of you who harass me about not writing, PLEASE!  Sometimes I have to actually LIVE in these blessings I write about.  ;P  And sometimes I'm just a little bit overwhelmed with my life.  Not complaining.  Just dead honest. 

Anyway, back to my chosen title.  Bittersweet.  Here's what the dictionary says,

bit·ter·sweet

[adj. bit-er-sweet, bit-er-sweet; n. bit-er-sweet] Show IPA
adjective
1.
both bitter and sweet to the taste: bittersweet chocolate.
2.
both pleasant and painful or regretful: a bittersweet memory


It is the most accurate way to describe my most recent life experiences and those of our family household.  Both BITTER and SWEET.  Both PLEASANT and PAINFUL.
My big boy has grown up and moved on.   We knew it was coming.  We planned for it's coming.  We'd even hoped and prayed for it's coming...  But honey, let me tell you something.  That DOES NOT make it easier. 
I have never felt such mixed emotions in all of my life.  Thrilled, yet shattered.  Wanting to squeal, then sob.  Dance and praise before the Father... and kneel in brokenness at His feet...  Whew!  What a ride.  Yeah.... and throw in some prego hormones and I could probably be admitted into a psych ward. 
Some don't understand...  It's not that I'll miss him (though I will) or that we just won't see each other that often (though we won't).  It's that it will never be the same again!  This season, this chapter, this part of his life... the one where Mama is actually really needed...  will never be the same again.  Now I know that he'll always need me.  But let's be honest, it's different.  He is a grown man now, pursuing his dreams and goals.  And I am the woman who spent almost every single day of his life (minus about 4 years, kinder-2 and an extra senior yr) training, correcting, cheering, discipling, talking (sometimes loudly), reading aloud, memorizing scripture with, disagreeing with, researching with, sometimes crying with, and usually laughing with.  We have climbed the mountains together and we've definitely seen the valley together too.  This is the kid that was born to me as I was still having to grow up...  So bless him, he's been the one that had to deal the most with all my imperfections as a Mama.  I carried him in my womb for almost 42 weeks.  I labored for almost 18 hours to bring him into the world.  I pushed for 4 hours and he broke his collarbone making his entrance.  I have always stayed at home to care for him.  Sometimes with great financial sacrifice, sometimes in the face of others' disapproval.  We began homeschooling him in the 3rd grade.  We have been together most days of the week, most weeks of the years, most years of his life for 19 and 1/2 years.  I have hurt him, wounded him, discouraged him, and made him just a little bit (ha!) angry a few times.  I have repented, and repented, and repented.  And he has forgiven, and forgiven, and forgiven.  I am the Mama.  He is the firstborn son.  We have a bond that is extraordinary.  So... saying goodbye hurts. 
I'll admit though that I began this grieving process months ago.  Here and there a few tears leaked down my face...  So I have not had a torrential downpour, but just moments that I've had to ask the Father for some MORE grace to endure it and keep smiling.  I have not been caught off guard by my own pain.  But I WAS caught off guard by the pain of the precious other ones.  Our very last Family Worship time with all of us around the table, eating, laughing, sharing, taking communion, and yes, crying our words of blessing over Taylor.  I knew my big girls (his little sisters) would feel sad, and I knew his Daddy would have a moment (or 2) that might bring him to his knees, but I did not expect the gut-wrenching moment of Taylor and Joshua saying goodbye... both with hands on each side of the others' face, both with tears spilling over...  UGH.  There's just no getting around that one.
Bitter.  And sweet.  Bitter because it hurts.  Sweet for 2 reasons.  #1,We are over-the-top, thrilled, squealing, jumping up and down, shout for joy, praising God, EXCITED for this big boy!  Wooohooo!  How wonderful that God's plans and dreams for him are moving forward!  And reason #2 is that I would be devastated if we lived in a family that cared any less for each other than ours does.  I mean, if you are bonded with the love and blood of Jesus, and you are a healthy, strong family, AREN'T YOU SUPPOSED TO BE SAD TO SAY GOODBYE?!  I left him in a dorm full of college football players last Friday and I wondered...  how many of those young men aren't sad at all to leave their families behind?  And how many family members aren't all that sad to see them go?  So, I say, THANK YOU JESUS for this sob that's welling up my throat as I say goodbye to the end of an era. Our family adores our Big Boy.  We will miss him.  Now.... the fridge and the pantry are actually full... and that's kinda nice.  ;)